I keep being down on myself as if past me could predict the future. Past Joy is just as incapable of prediction the future as Present Joy is.
You cannot predict the future!
And I want to be clear that Past Joy did nothing wrong. Past Joy was addicted to no drugs, gambled no monies, made no crazy purchases. Past Joy did the best she could and should be proud of what has been accomplished so far
When I moved into this place, I could easily afford rent and was saving money every month both into retirement and into a savings account and portfolio. I was actively paying down my student loans and have paid them off. There was zero reason to think in 2021 that I was over extending myself - because I wasn’t (it’s also not that much more expensive than the place I was at before). The point I’m making is that in no way am I over-extending myself by living in a place I could not afford or a car I couldn’t afford.
I could never have predicted tariffs impact on my job, BMW cash going away, massive local tech layoffs, or gas and food prices going up by 33%. Yikes, I didn’t even realize food was up by that much.
And I want to be clear that I’m not about to be evicted or end up the streets tomorrow. I’m just fearing that worst case scenario because I love my home and I don’t want to lose it. Feeling out of control like many of us do
Because I could not predict two of my bosses being fired on the same day. I could not predict the chaos that came after with HR questions and new bosses. I have been making borderline money, but the savings are drying up and a change needs to be made
Past Joy did not know if things would turn around at work. There are reasons to want to stay. I don’t blame past me for holding onto hope that things would improve
But I need to remember that I could trip and fall into an amazing job just around the corner. I could make more than I ever imagined. I could finally afford my dream condo. There’s three units available! Ah, we can always dream and hope for a brighter future. On the water
Seriously, to end where I began, past me could not predict the future no more than current me can. I have no more idea if next year I’ll be living in a camper on my truck or make the most money I’ve ever earned. The choices I make today are not a guarantee of either. I could also die tomorrow. So don’t spend today worried that tomorrow is going to be awful if you might only get today. It sounds trite, but it is really true. I cannot spend my day off work sitting around fearful that my lovely home will get taken away. I should rather make rock fish in a lemon butter sauce and enjoy a movie
I wrote this for me. But maybe it makes you feel better too. If you’re scared right now for the future - you are not alone
